How Do You Relate In A Relationship?
I’m not a licensed therapist. However, I have listened all of my life, and been in several relationships. I’m currently in a loving one, now. Bottom line, I truly care about others (including myself). This questionnaire will probably not hurt if you’re single and interested in starting a meaningful relationship. Or, even if you are in a relationship, but experiencing conflicting values. You can change the wording to your responses, i.e. “my partner,” instead of “potential partner.”
I hope you have fun, but don’t take yourself or the questions too seriously. However, everyone deserves to be in a relationship based on respect and mutually shared values.
You might want to also consider taking a personality test such as the Myers Briggs in conjunction with this relationship inventory. The results could shed light on some traits that you want to consider in the future when communicating your strengths and weaknesses to a potential partner. For example, the extrovert will tell you what he/she is thinking, as opposed to preferring to be asked. There are positive sides to all personality types. No matter what, it’s nice to be aware of what you can offer any relationship.
Please list your top 5 strengths and top 5 weaknesses. How can you make those weaknesses work to your advantage? In other words, how can you see your weaknesses as strengths? This might be difficult, but you can do it. Make a few notes, and experiment in the way you see yourself. This is particularly useful if you tend to be hard on that inner child inside.
Now, for the rigorous part of the exercise:
- Barring what relationships you’ve had in the past, what do you want in a relationship, currently? Take a minute or so to write or type whatever comes to mind (no matter how silly it seems).
- What top 10 personality traits/skills/interests do you most value in a potential partner? Once you list these, please number them in order, one being the most important to you. Keep in mind the top 5 ones you list when you search online or meet people in person. Remember, even though you can’t find someone to mirror all of the traits you’re looking for, are you starting to get a clearer picture now of who you are and what you value in a relationship?
- What three quirks/foibles do you find most endearing about people, in general? In other words, what are some things perceivable by others as wrong or bad attributes are seen by you as charming?
- What 6 behaviors would absolutely go against your value system, and might leave you running for the door? If you’re not sure what you value most in life, take the time now to explore this. List the four most important values in your life (like family, education, etc.). Abuse should not be tolerated. If you have a history of being in abusive relationships, research what red flags to watch out for, or see a licensed psychologist to figure out what constitutes these. You owe it to yourself not to be subjected to this, and also not to enact it.
This is a lot to digest and think about in your dating search, so please take the time to relax after you’ve completed the exercise. Please, do some deep breathing, read something light, or watch something funny.
When you’re ready, please take a good look in the mirror. Remember that pain will not erase the beautiful and unique individual, which is you. You deserve to be happy. Also, you need to be in a relationship based on respect and mutually shared values.
2014’s top online dating engines: 1) Zoosk.com 2) Match.com 3) Ourtime.com 4) Plentyoffish.com 5) eHarmony.com
This is a free online test that I think generates fairly accurate results (my Myers Briggs results were the same):
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” -Unknown