Tale of the “Original Guy Walks Into A Bar” joke.
By Heather Arneson
A little unknown fact is that there was an original “A Guy Walks Into A Bar” joke. However, it’s rumored that the original reader of the joke didn’t have a very emphatic delivery, and was very modest. As you can guess, the anonymous party never read it out loud, as it was intended to be done in the first place. The joke was entombed until now, and in the writer’s honor (R.I.P.), I bequeath the following words to any brave soul who dares to share them with a stranger.
“Hey, bartender, what do you have on tap?” The guy who walks into a bar says…
The bartender takes one look at him and says, “I think you’re an MGD type of guy, but we have all kinds…”
The guy turns to his friend who is a bear, and says, “What kind of game is he playing? If I wanted Miller, I’d just go to the grocery store and get a 24-pack.”
The bear shrugs his shoulders and knocks back a shot of Jameson as if it were a salmon. “I don’t know, you humans are so picky. At least you don’t have a grizzly for your wife…say, why don’t you order some food for me, and I’ll buy you some shots? A few different kinds…why not? You’re out and aboot, right?” The bear, whose name is Samuel, asks.
“What do you want?” The guy asks, frustrated.
“Have you ever pet a bear?” Sam asks.
“I’d rather be pet than hugged for being a bear.”
“Good for you…Okay, the bartender is way over there, no waitress in sight, and I’m thirsty…”
Just then, a flamingo with a briefcase interrupts them, “I came out of retirement for this? You know, the case is colder than anything you’d order here. Trust me, I know…” He says, as if they were friends that all knew the same secret from a long time ago.
The bartender comes over, nods to the flamingo while petting the bear, then says to Darrell (the guy), “You shouldn’t have interrupted. I was gonna’ tell you we had Coors light.”
The bear turns to him and says, “He’s a nice one, and multitasks like no-one’s business.”
“What do you mean?” Darrell asks… [wait for it! Time to give a bear hug to the person/people you’ve been telling the joke to-c’mon, hopefully you’ve read it out loud, no need to be shy…].
If the person/people aren’t receptive, continue with Plan B, not the emergency contraceptive:
A raccoon walks in and tells the bartender, “I want an MGD.”
“I need to walk into another bar.” A covert hacker in tinted glasses says, spiking the conversation in an electric way.
“Good joke!” Samuel says, with an intensely furrowed brow.
If you’re getting confused, good. It doesn’t mean you’re anything but a good reader. Thanks for taking the time to read my continual work-in-progress…labor of love, labor of l-o-v-e, aka “Life, Offness, Value, and Enlightenment.”
-Image can be found in my Photography page
P.S. I’m sober. Take care.