Joke of the Wild

A Guy Walks Into A Bar Joke

By Heather Arneson






“Hey, bartender, what do you have on tap?”  The guy who walks into a bar says…

The bartender takes one look at him and says, “I think you’re an MGD type of guy, but we have all kinds…”

The guy turns to his friend who is a bear, and says, “What kind of game is he playing?  If I wanted Miller, I’d just go to the grocery store and get a 24-pack.”

The bear shrugs his shoulders and knocks back a shot of Jameson as if it were a salmon.  “I don’t know, you humans are so picky.  At least you don’t have a grizzly for your wife…say, why don’t you order some food for me, and I’ll buy you some shots? A few different kinds…why not?” Samuel, the bear, asks.

“What do you want?”  The guy asks, frustrated.

“Have you ever pet a bear?”  Sam asks.


“I’d rather be pet than hugged.”

“Good for you…Okay, the bartender is way over there, no waitress in sight, and I’m thirsty…”

The bear roars, and the guy looks sad like he did something wrong.  “Hey, I have a joke for you…” He says, to calm the angry bear.

A flamingo with a briefcase interrupts them, “I came out of retirement for this?  You know, the case is colder than anything you’d order here.  Trust me, I know…” He says, as if they all knew a cryptic secret from a long time ago, but knew never to bring it up, even with each other.

The bartender comes over, nods to the flamingo while petting the bear, then says to Darrell (the guy), “You shouldn’t have interrupted. I was gonna’ tell you we had Coors light.”

The bear turns to him and says, “He’s a nice one, and multitasks like no-one’s business.”

Then, Darrell hugs the bear.  “The joke is, a guy walks into a bar, and I just hugged a bear.”

“Thanks, man.  That was a good one. Needed that.  Spontaneous.”  Sam smiles.

In retrospect, the beauty of this joke is that the bear is the important key to unlocking the joke, and the fact this joke made me laugh each time I rewrote it!  Even if you’re the only person laughing at your own joke at times, that’s okay.

[Now, lean over and give the person you’ve been telling the joke to a big hug!  Or, if you’re only reading this, hug yourself]


Animals are living beings, too. Share this joke, as a person. Remember, a bear loved it. Why wouldn’t a human?  

Love, Heather

This joke is a constant work-in-progress.  I’ll probably add to it, or revise it in the future! *


The following is from a study by the NCADD on “Alcohol, Drugs And Crime”:

“Our nation’s prison population has exploded beyond capacity and most inmates are in prison, in large part, because of substance abuse:

  • 80% of offenders abuse drugs or alcohol.

  • Nearly 50% of jail and prison inmates are clinically addicted.

  • Approximately 60% of individuals arrested for most types of crimes test positive for illegal drugs at arrest.”


“Stray Dog” by New Order